How to Raise High-Achieving, Gifted Kids
High-Achieving vs. Gifted Children
First, it is crucial to understand the difference between high-achievers and gifted children. High-achieving children are not always gifted. However, some high-achievers may also be gifted. A child considered a high achiever receives high grades in school and does all the work expected of them. They do their work well due to skills such as time management, organization, and tidiness. Often, they are also considered well-adjusted with good behaviour. Gifted children, while intelligent, might be underachievers due to a lack of interest in the material.
There are a few characteristics that set gifted children apart from high-achievers. A simple IQ test can identify academically gifted children. Children who score 115 to 129 are considered mildly gifted. Children who score 130 to 144 are considered moderately gifted, children who score 145 to 159 are highly gifted, children who score 160 to 179 are exceptionally gifted, and lastly, children who score 180 are considered profoundly gifted. The average person scores between 85 and 115, with 100 being the absolute norm. Gifted children may also have exceptional talents that are at a skill level way ahead of their age. These talents can manifest in areas such as reading levels, mathematics, art and music.
High sensitivity is not a determining factor in identifying giftedness in children. However, gifted children do often have high sensitivity. Gifted children may be highly sensitive to emotional situations and get upset over minor things. Their sensitivity may also be to physical things, such as uncomfortable materials, annoying tags, or even an intolerable seam.
High-achievers and gifted children have other evident differences. For instance, while high-achievers may remember an answer to a question, gifted children may ask new and unique questions. High-achievers might perform at the top of their class, while gifted children are beyond the class entirely. What a high-achieving kid can learn easily, a gifted kid will already know.
High-achievers can be externally motivated by high praise, good grades, or gold stars. Gifted children, on the other hand, are often internally motivated by an interest in the task or material. While high-achievers may need a classroom that offers more than the typical class, gifted kids require a more educationally stimulating environment.
Types of Giftedness
Giftedness in children is not strictly academic. Giftedness can include areas such as leadership, intellect, creativity, academic ability, and artistic ability. Academic and intellectual giftedness are emphasized in the school system. However, giftedness in other areas can be seen through exceptional skills and talents and should still be valued.
Children can be identified as gifted in several ways. However, the definition of “gifted” can vary. As previously stated, IQ tests are a common way of identifying giftedness. Non-verbal IQ tests and achievement tests are also common ways to recognize giftedness. A school psychologist or advisor can be contacted to set up an assessment if a child is suspected to be gifted.
Raising a High-Achiever
Giftedness in kids cannot be taught. However, some steps can be taken to help motivate a child to be a high achiever. Studies have shown that these are the most effective ways to develop and support a high-achieving child:
1. Broaden their horizons.
Exposing children to a variety of experiences and topics increases the likeliness of them finding something they develop an interest in. Studies show that a wide range of experiences can help children understand more. Thus, have less fear and apprehension when approaching new experiences or topics.
2. Praise effort.
High-achievers respond well to external motivation, especially high praise. Positive feedback for effort rather than ability is an effective way of encouraging achievement in children. Praise them for the quality of effort they put towards something, not just the outcome.
3. Freedom of choice.
Introduce the idea of discipline and hard work without enforcing a direction. To be a successful high-achiever, a child needs to enjoy what he or she is doing. Allow choices and the freedom to express their interests, and be sure to praise them in whatever they pursue.
4. Allow lessons from failure.
The fear of failure will hold your child back from trying new things. Re-frame their negative thinking and communicate that failure is okay when trying something new. Encourage your child to try out for a new team or take on a new challenge!
5. Value growth.
Research shows that kids whose parents value the child’s “giftedness” rather than the child’s growth are disadvantaged. Help them focus on how they can improve when they’re struggling and reassure them. Defining them only as their “gifted” label won’t help them to reach their full potential.
6. Provide support.
Parents often assume that their intelligent child will not need any help in order to succeed. While your child may be talented, they will still need both intellectual and emotional guidance and support. An intelligent child still benefits from support.
7. Explore learning opportunities.
You can only control the encouragement and support your child receives at home. However, there are ways to encourage growth in the classroom. Try reaching out to your child’s teacher to request more challenging work. Teachers are often willing to help by assigning more complicated materials and providing extra attention if asked. The assistance of their teacher.
Starting Early: Toddlers
The best way to get on track for raising a high-achiever is by starting early- as early as the toddler years. Studies show that one of the best predictors of school success is language development in children. In fact, the words that children are exposed to during their first few years of life have a large impact on the words they learn later on. Due to this connection, researchers suggest having interactive conversations with children to improve their success and language skills down the road.
The language you use can help raise your child to be high-achieving. Research shows that using mechanistic language, or language that offers detailed explanations, can help nurture a child’s understanding. It is important to give non-circular responses to children’s curiosities to give more information that sufficiently explains ideas. Even if the child does not fully understand the response, they’ll understand the key points, which is what makes the quality engagement worthwhile.
Perfectionist Mindset
The downside to being a child who is exceptionally gifted or high achieving is the expectation of perfection. Many children who are gifted fall into having a perfectionist mindset, in which they think they must achieve at very high levels in everything they do. This mindset can cause them anxiety about failing or not meeting the expectations set for them. In fact, perfectionism is often linked to many mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Perfectionism in a child can appear in any of the following ways:
Valuing achievement over personal and psychological wellness
Seeking to be the best at all that they do
Often discuss feeling pressure to succeed
Frequent self-criticism and self-doubt
Obscured views of failure in which they believe “good enough” is defeat
Their self worth is dependent on their levels of achievement
Children who are gifted may place more value on their achievements than on their own well-being. As a parent this can be concerning, however, there are some suggestions on how to lessen the pressure on your high-achieving or gifted child.
1. Explain the effects of perfectionism.
Even if your child has not displayed any signs of suffering from perfectionism, it’s a good idea to discuss how the mindset can be harmful. Have an open discussion about the dangers of perfectionism and the negative effects it can have on their mental health. Remind your child that no one is perfect, and that you have realistic expectations for them.
2. Don’t push them.
It can be tempting to help your child and push them to do better. However, it is important to let them achieve what they can to the best of their own abilities without your help.
3. Keep realistic expectations.
Don’t let your child’s intelligence distract you from their limits. Your child will feel better about their work if you are proud of their efforts and not just their accomplishments.
4. Share your mistakes.
High-achieving children feel immense pressure to always succeed and never fail. By sharing your failures, you are reminding them that it’s okay to make a mistake or have trouble accomplishing something. Lead by example by owning your mistakes and sharing the lessons that come from them.
5. Have open conversations.
It can be hard for children to open up about the pressure they feel is put on them. Don’t be afraid to check in and ask them how they’re feeling. You might not notice any signs of struggle, but could be surprised by their answer.
6. Show them that “good enough” is enough.
This is another area where you can lead by example. By showing them that you accept and are proud of work that is “good enough”, you are reminding them that it isn’t a failure and that no one can be perfect all the time. Show them how to approach things in a non-achievement-oriented way so that they can adopt that behavior as well.
Caring for your high-achieving or gifted child is a rewarding journey that requires proper motivation, understanding, and open conversations. Without a solid support system, your child may struggle with their mental health and wellbeing. If you’re looking to help your child accomplish great things and achieve success in their endeavors, contact The Veda Group for school placement services, tutoring and homeschooling programs, and wellness services. With a 100% client satisfaction rate, our specialists know how to help your child achieve the most while prioritizing their wellbeing. Visit www.thevedagroup.com for more information or to book a free consultation.